What if you felt trapped inside your body because you could not express what you feel, but you still felt it? What if you were so sick of EVERYONE making all your choices, all your decisions because they did not think you were good enough to do so? What if it was the opposite? What if you were being pushed day after day to do things you had no clue of why and it did not really mean much to you because your emotional age was way younger than your chronological age? What if you could feel that everyone only sees the negative about you?
Sure, as parents we do not deliberately THINK that or even know that we are. Our kids have people at school, people at home, people in public all assuming the worst for them. I did not say ” OF” them. But if no one believes in them , how can they break free to learn and grow? The shame our kids have goes way back to infancy where it all started with attachment trauma and as the years go by it just gets worse and worse and builds to either angry children or children that suck inside a bubble and just stay flat and low.
We are told by society that there is no way to break through to normal bonding with our kids and so we must spend thousands to do so. We are told that the parent is not enough. I am here to tell you , you are enough and you are what they need the MOST.
Today, I challenge you to stop and think about your words and thoughts when it comes to your child. Catch yourself in the act. Today my son wanted the fan on in his bedroom because the heater he had put on to keep warm had heated his room to much. I almost told him to shut it off because in my mind I thought that fans are for summer and I even thought about taking it out of his room so I could control how he used it.
I stopped in my tracks. He made a independent choice to turn that fan on when he was hot. This was a kid who could not even read his body before we started the neurodevelopmental movements. He appropriately put the heater on when it was cold. Then he found a way to be comfortable to turn it off and use that fan. WHO am I to squash his choice? I then said, ” I see you were so clever to turn that fan on to cool yourself down! You really are a great problem solver and so independent with your choices these days. That shows how you trust yourself to make choices and take action on your own because you are enough.” When I said it he looked up at me,” Yes I am!” So right there is a very small moment of his self worth being built.
So today I ask you, where can you catch yourself taking your child's power away and then instead find a way to build them up? It doesn't matter how small it is because it all adds up to one big happy child. Any step is worth GOLD.